


Run and Hide

by celeste9



Series: Promise [17]
Category: Primeval
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Relationship Advice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-26
Updated: 2012-07-26
Packaged: 2017-11-10 19:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/469622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celeste9/pseuds/celeste9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Jess wants is to understand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Run and Hide

**Author's Note:**

> Beta by fififolle.

Becker and Lester weren't fighting anymore.

One day they weren't speaking, they weren't even looking at each other, and then the next everything was back to normal. Becker started making sweeps of the hub again, Lester's eyes following him as they always did, Becker popping into Lester's office for a minute when he was through.

It was weird. Normal people didn't behave like that. They didn't have fights so big that they couldn't bear to be in the same room and then immediately fall into a routine again, like nothing had ever happened.

Jess couldn't understand it and she didn't like not being able to understand things.

-

Jess wasn't sure when she had become so invested in Becker and Lester's relationship, sometime between having Chinese with Becker on a stakeout and sitting with Lester in the medical bay.

She had never been able to look at Lester the same way after she'd found out, after that night-- morning-- whatever it had been, when she and Becker had almost got blown up, after seeing Lester with his hand clenched around Becker's arm, Becker leaning in to kiss his forehead. Lester had always just been her boss, distant and vaguely unfriendly, but after that morning she had realised that, yes, he actually was a person. He was a person who loved and who could be afraid, who had a life beyond the ARC the same as Jess did.

He was just having more sex in his life outside the ARC than she was, apparently.

And that had taken some getting used to. It had taken some time for her to be able to be in a room with Becker and Lester without blushing like a schoolgirl, thinking that the night before they had probably-- And then she would blush harder because she'd have to _think_ about it, and it was... well, surprisingly kind of hot.

That was something Jess had never expected to think about Lester. Not that he was unattractive, but he was old enough to be her father and he was her boss. Of course, he was Becker's boss as well and that hadn't seemed to bother _him._

Anyway, the point was it had taken Jess some time. It had taken her some time, too, to quell her embarrassing crush on Becker. Even after knowing he was shagging Lester, and apparently in love with him as well, she would still melt a little bit when Becker smiled at her. It shouldn't have been legal to be that handsome and he was always so nice to her. How could she not have fancied him?

But Jess wasn't stupid. Becker wasn't interested and so she moved on.

Once she knew, she wondered why she hadn't seen it earlier. Jess had always prided herself on noticing things that other people missed-- it was part of what made her so good at her job. She supposed she'd been too busy searching for signs that Becker liked her that she had missed the blaring ones that meant Becker liked Lester. It wasn't that they were demonstrative, far from it, but they... There were hints.

Even now, months later, they could still make Jess blush. They had a way of looking at each other, when they thought no one would notice, that was almost indecent. Especially Becker. Lester had a tendency to watch Becker's arse while he walked and sometimes he would get this possessive glint in his eyes, but Becker... Becker was a tease. He had a way of ducking his head, looking at Lester from beneath his eyelashes, catching his lip between his teeth. He looked at Lester like he was making a promise, something burning in his eyes that made Jess feel like a voyeur even seeing it.

Jess didn't think that either of them was aware of how much she had helped them keep their secret. For as careful as they had tried to be, they had overlooked something pretty huge. There were security cameras all over the ARC, after all. Becker in particular was very much aware of that fact, but it had seemingly never crossed his mind that the cameras didn't only record intruders-- they recorded him as well. Didn't he realise that his own security team monitored the CCTV? Jess had erased a fair amount of footage that she suspected neither Becker nor Lester wanted anyone to see. In doing so, she had quickly come to the conclusion that one or more of Becker's men had been doing the same thing.

It had been an accident, the first time she saw them. Jess had been flipping through the CCTV after Ethan's escape and there they'd been in the corridor outside the interrogation room. It wasn't even as though they had been doing anything, for all intents and purposes Lester had only been assisting Becker after he'd been shot by Ethan. But there was something about the way they leaned into each other, the way Lester's touch lingered longer than it should. Jess had wiped it clean and then she'd started to pay more attention.

She wasn't sure what they would think if they knew. Really, they should be grateful. Somehow, though, she thought they would only be embarrassed that she'd seen. Well, at least Lester would be. She didn't know about Becker-- he had a sort of cavalier attitude that made Jess wonder whether he'd mind at all.

When Becker came through the hub, pausing by Jess' station, Jess realised that she had been staring out-of-focus at the same camera feed for who knew how long. She blinked a few times to clear her head and hurriedly pulled up another screen to make it at least appear as though she'd been working.

"Still here, Jess?" Becker asked.

"Just finishing up," she said, hoping to God she wasn't blushing again. _No, Becker, of course I wasn't thinking about whether you'd be fussed about me getting a glimpse of you and your boyfriend snogging with your hands down each others' trousers._

"Try not to work too hard, yeah? You don't want to end up like him, staying in this pit 'til all hours of the night," Becker said with a wave in the direction of Lester's office.

"Did you make up?" Jess blurted out and then pinched herself. Damn it. _Could I be more stupid if I tried?_

Becker's face had shuttered a bit, the easy friendliness lingering only a moment before draining away.

"I'm sorry," she said hastily. "It's not any of my business. You don't have to talk about it."

"It's okay," Becker said, exhaling in a quiet sigh, his gaze drifting to the distant shape of Lester in his office. "It's not like I didn't realise you all were talking about us, even if we never said anything."

"We've got to have something to chat about at the water cooler, right?" _Pathetic, Jess, that is completely pathetic._

One half of Becker's mouth lifted upwards in a half-hearted attempt at a smile. "I suppose Lester and I are always good for some office gossip."

"We were concerned, that's all."

"Yeah. Well, to answer your question, yes. We made up."

When Becker didn't offer anything more, Jess said as brightly as she could manage, "I'm so glad, Becker, I really am. I hated seeing the two of you so miserable."

"Thanks," Becker muttered, like he didn't know what to say. "I'm going to try and get Himself to leave, okay? I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow," Jess echoed, though she was left speaking to Becker's back.

She was such an idiot.

-

Jess managed to catch Becker the next day while he was patrolling the hub. "I wanted to apologise for yesterday. I am so, so sorry. I shouldn't have pried into your business and it was rude of me to bring it up when you'd... Well, it was rude to bring it up," Jess finished lamely. Damn it. It seemed she couldn't even manage to make a proper apology without sounding like an idiot.

Becker's face was twitching like he was trying not to laugh. "You're always apologising to me, Jess, but I can't think of a single time when you actually needed to."

"But I--" It dawned on her that Becker was teasing and she relaxed. "My mother taught me that it's always better to make an unnecessary apology rather than risk not making one when you should have."

"Good advice. Honestly, though, it's fine. I know you were only curious."

Yes, she had been curious, but Becker made it sound like... She had been curious because she _cared._ Didn't he know that? "Do you..." No, of course he didn't want to talk about it; he'd made that perfectly clear. Jess thought that he _should_ talk about it, but that was a whole other issue. She twisted her fingers together nervously while she tried to think of how to say what she wanted to.

 _I care about you and Lester so I want to know that you're okay. I want you two to make it because if you can then there must be hope for the rest of us. I've helped you even though you don't know it, so I feel responsible for you. I don't know how you work, but you do, you fit so perfectly and seeing you together makes me_ want _things and if you fall apart, then I don't..._

But how could she ever tell him any of that?

The alarm started to go off and that was the end of it. As Jess settled in at her station, she wasn't sure if she felt relieved or not. She was leaning towards 'yes'.

-

There was a small break room with tables and chairs just past the kitchen, where Jess ate lunch when she needed to get away from her station but didn't have time to leave the ARC. One of the others joined her every now and then, but it was nice sometimes to have a bit of quiet. The ARC was a hectic place and Jess tended to be in the middle of everything that went on.

She was eating late today and the room was empty except for her. She had nearly finished her salad when she heard someone rummaging around in the kitchen. She smiled to herself at the sound of a knife clattering to the floor and a mumbled, "Bollocks."

"Hi, Becker," she called.

A drawer slammed and then Becker appeared in the connecting doorway. "Hi, Jess. I didn't know you were here."

"I was having lunch," she said, though Becker had probably figured that out for himself. "Want to join me?"

"Thanks, but I'm not staying. I'm just getting a sandwich for Lester. He forgets to eat half the time if I don't bring him something."

That was so unexpectedly domestic that Jess had to bite the inside of her lip to keep a soppy smile off her face. "He's lucky to have you."

"I've tried to tell him that, but I'm not sure he believes me," Becker said with a theatrical sigh and a roll of his eyes.

"He does," Jess said, too quickly and too fervently, and Becker eyed her strangely.

"Are you all right?"

Jess flushed and looked down at her plate, pushing a tomato around with her fork. Why couldn't she ever stop putting her foot in it? "It's nothing. You know me, I'm always speaking without thinking."

Becker straddled a chair and then grabbed her hand, making her set the fork down. "You know you can always talk to me, right, Jess? About anything."

 _Even about you?_ Jess wondered. She could only bear to meet Becker's eyes for an instant before she had to break away again. "I'm just... I'm so happy you're not fighting anymore," she said, cursing her own stupidity. She grabbed her plate and stood up. "I'll see you later, Becker," she said and left before she could embarrass herself further.

-

On Friday, Jess went out for drinks with Abby and Emily. Jess loved getting to spend time with the other two women and they didn't get to do it nearly often enough. She knew that without the ARC, she would never have had friends like Abby and Emily. Well, obviously, because Emily had been born more than a century ago, but it was more than that. They were all so completely different and honestly, Jess had very little in common with either of them. But the ARC tied them together in ways that no one on the outside could really understand.

On their second round of drinks, their conversation drifted over to ARC gossip, as it usually did.

"Becker and Lester have stopped fighting," Jess said because apparently that was the only thing on her mind these days.

"Yeah, I noticed," Abby said. "Thank God. They were being ridiculous."

"But you don't... Um, I mean, don't you think it's odd? The way they're acting like nothing happened?"

Abby snorted. "Are you serious? It's _Becker_ and _Lester._ When are they not odd?"

Jess was forced to laugh. "Okay, I see your point. But it feels weird to me. Weirder than normal."

Emily looked at Jess from over the rim of her glass. "Why does it bother you so much?"

"It doesn't bother me," Jess protested.

"I'm sorry; I must have misunderstood."

Emily's piercing brown eyes were making Jess uncomfortable and she shifted in her chair, dropping her gaze to the table. She ran her fingers over a scratch in the wood. "Oh, but don't you wonder? I mean, how could they go from not looking at each other to suddenly acting like they never even had a disagreement?"

"Perhaps you should ask them yourself," Emily suggested mildly.

"I couldn't!"

"Why not? I think if anyone could get a straight answer out of either of them, it would be you," Abby said.

Jess' eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

"Well, Lester likes you, doesn't he? He's nice to you, like you... I don't know, maybe you remind him of his daughter. You aren't that much older than her."

"What?" Lester wasn't _that_ nice to her. Jess felt sorry for his daughter if that was how he treated her. And besides, Jess had always thought that Lester had a soft spot for Abby, not her.

"And Becker thinks you're adorable. He told me once that you remind him of his little sisters."

Oh, lovely. She had really never had a chance in hell with Becker, had she? "Okay, well, even if any of that is true, and I'm not sure it is, the fact still remains that it's not any of my business."

"But you want to know," Emily said.

"Well, yes."

"Then make up your mind. Is it your business or not? Because if it isn't, then why do you keep dwelling on it?"

"That's... that's not... Oh, damn."

Abby and Emily were both laughing now, but kindly, not like they were taking the piss. "Jess," Abby said, "you should know that you are absolutely not the only person who's dying to know what went on. Connor, for one, is beside himself trying to figure it out."

"Yes, so you see," Emily continued, "we're all counting on you to discover the details."

Jess realised suddenly that she had stepped right into a trap. She sighed. "Were you planning this?"

The other two women grinned at each other. "We might've thought about it, yeah. Just a bit," Abby said.

Jess felt as though she should be irritated but as she watched Abby and Emily she could only be amused. And maybe a little grateful, because now she had an excuse to seek out something that she had wanted to know anyway.

-

And that was how Jess came to be standing in Lester's office, gripping a file in her hands. When Lester looked up at her with those eyes that could appear so cold and disdainful when he was looking at anyone besides Becker, all her courage left her.

Jess liked Lester. She liked him quite a bit, surprisingly, and they worked well together. Asking about personal matters, however, was another matter entirely. She remembered that it hadn't been all that long ago that she had stood in this very spot and called Lester a prat.

Jess flushed.

"I'm waiting, Jess," Lester prompted.

 _Lester likes you,_ Abby had said. You could have fooled Jess. She thrust the file on top of Lester's desk. "I wondered if you could have a look at this?"

Becker would be much easier.

-

The problem with Becker was getting him alone. He had a small office but he didn't like to spend much time there. When he wasn't working he tended to gravitate toward the gym or the armoury or the firing range, sometimes accompanied by members of his security team. (Lieutenant Russell, quite frequently, and seeing the two of them together still made Jess feel vaguely unsettled.) And of course, now that they weren't in a fight, he had returned to preoccupying himself with provoking Lester in his office. Jess had resorted to searching the CCTV for his location at periodic points during the day in an attempt to find him both alone and not working.

It was sort of pathetic and Jess wasn't proud.

She cornered him in the locker room at the end of the day, catching him as he was slipping his shirt over his head. She felt a momentary twinge of something that was like jealousy mixed with regret, with a dash of simple lust, that she was fairly certain she was never going to completely lose. You'd have to be blind not to appreciate Becker with his shirt off. "Do you have some time?"

Becker shoved his combat uniform into his locker and faced her. "Yeah, sure. What do you need?"

"It's not that I need anything; I want to talk. Is that okay?"

"Of course." He waved a hand at their surroundings. "Let's find somewhere a bit more comfortable."

They ended up sitting on stools across from each other in an empty lab. It wasn't the most luxurious of settings, but it was quiet and private and that was all they needed.

Jess took a breath. "Becker, do you remember how you said that I could talk to you about anything?"

"I remember."

"Would it be all right if I took you up on that offer?"

"Jess, is everything okay?" Becker asked, laying his large palm over her wrist. "You've been acting weird."

"I'm fine, honestly." _Say it already; just say it._ "Can I talk to you about Lester?"

Becker looked confused. "About Lester? Why? Has he been bothering you? Because you know he doesn't actually mean most of what he says."

It was sweet that he immediately jumped to Lester's defence, but of course that hadn't been what she meant at all. "No, it's not that. I want to ask you about _you and Lester."_

Becker drew his hand back and sat blinking at her. "Lester and me? Why would you... I don't think... Uh, that's what you want to talk about?" He was staring at her with this half-dumbfounded, half-horrified expression on his face.

Jess couldn't help it. She laughed. "Becker, relax! Put you in a room with a raptor and you'd think, 'oh, brilliant,' but ask you a personal question…"

"With the raptor, I get to have a weapon. Makes me feel better."

"You and your guns. Would you like to drop by the armoury and pick one up? Would that help?"

"You know, it might."

They grinned at each other for a moment and Jess allowed herself to hope that maybe this conversation wouldn't be quite as horribly awkward as she'd feared. She stayed silent, letting Becker take as long as he needed to say what he wanted to.

"Can I ask why you're so interested in us? I'm guessing it's more than a desire to get the gossip straight from the source."

And that was exactly what she couldn't articulate, wasn't it? How could she explain it to Becker when she couldn't even explain it to herself? All Jess knew was that when Becker had first told her that he was involved with Lester, she had laughed because it had been so outrageous. She didn't think it was outrageous anymore. They worked and Jess wanted them to keep doing so. When she'd seen Becker and Lester together in the medical bay, their easy intimacy and the utterly unguarded affection in their eyes, she had felt… protective. Protective and maybe envious.

They were her friends, and she wanted what they had, and if there was anything she could do to help them not mess it up, she was going to do it.

"Becker, you're the head of security. Didn't you ever think to check the CCTV?"

Becker cocked his head to the side, puzzled, and then her point seemed to dawn on him. "God _damn_ it," he exclaimed. "James would murder me if he knew. Fuck, I'm such an idiot. He makes me... I'm such an idiot."

"It wasn't terribly clever of you," Jess had to say.

"But you… erased it?"

"I did. What I noticed, at least. I think one of your lads cleared some off as well."

"Jones, I bet. I thought his quips always were a bit too on-the-nose," Becker said wryly. He squeezed Jess' hand, his brown eyes full of sincerity. "Jess, _thank you._ It never even crossed my mind and James would... Well, it's private, isn't it? And footage like that in the wrong hands could destroy his career."

"You don't have to thank me. I just wanted to show you that I'm…"

"Looking after us?"

"Yes, I suppose. You're my friends, both of you, and I care about you. Even if Lester probably wouldn't appreciate my saying so."

"He would," Becker said, startling her. "He'd deny it, of course, but he really is incredibly fond of our little team of misfits."

"In spite of himself?"

"Yes, exactly. In spite of himself. He does like you, Jess, even if he doesn't know how to behave like a normal human being."

"So people keep telling me," Jess said, but she did know it, in her heart. Lester was short with her and spoke sharply, but he did that to everyone. When it had been just the two of them in the ARC with the world falling apart around them, when she had been scared and overwhelmed and lost, Lester had been... kind. He had helped her and he had been comforting in his own odd, roundabout way, and she wouldn't forget it.

"It's nice that you care so much about us, but honestly, I don't even talk about James and me with James."

"That's kind of my point, actually. I don't understand how you can nearly break up and then suddenly act like everything's fine. How can you be like that? It doesn't make any sense."

Becker shrugged. "We had really great make-up sex?"

Jess gave him a disparaging look and chose to ignore that. "But how can you just pretend like nothing happened? Lester thought you were _cheating_ on him, didn't he?"

"Yes," Becker said, cutting like a knife and Jess knew she was treading dangerously.

"Connor said he saw you with him, with Ian, the night you fought with Lester at the ARC," Jess ventured carefully, needing to know the truth but realising full well that if she misspoke Becker would close up completely.

"Yeah, and? Connor can't keep his nose out of everyone else's sodding business, so you think it's true? You think I cheated on Lester?" Becker's tone was accusatory and angry and made Jess flinch back.

"No, I--"

"Because I fucking didn't! Christ, I would never-" Becker deflated in on himself, rubbing his hand over his face. "Shit, Jess, don't you know that? I wouldn't ever do that to him."

"I know, Becker, I'm sorry." And she was so, so sorry. She hated herself for even entertaining the idea that she might have been wrong, that Becker might really have cheated, but Becker's reaction let her know that she was close, that she was hitting on what mattered. "But what's important is that Lester thought you did. And I… When I saw you with Ian the past few weeks, well, it made me wonder, too. Have you really talked about it?"

"We talked the night we made up. Lester was jealous and insecure and I was… flattered at the attention."

Jess had to give Becker credit; he did know how to be succinct. He'd summed up a quarrel that had taken place over weeks and nearly destroyed a relationship in one sentence. But somehow she didn't think Becker was being exactly truthful. She doubted Becker would have risked losing so much for a bit of attention. "And that's it? All was forgiven?"

Becker put a hand briefly to his face in a motion Jess had seen Lester make a hundred times when he was frustrated or annoyed. "Jess, you don't get it. That's just how we _are._ We don't have big, heartfelt discussions every five minutes. We both fucked up, we admitted it, and we love each other. End of story."

"Until the next time it happens."

"It won't--"

Jess cut him off. "You see, _you_ don't get it. You can't just sweep everything under the rug and not deal with it. All of the things that made you act the way you did are still there even if you want to pretend they're not. You can hide behind your stunted emotional capacity all you want but in the end it's only an excuse. Relationships take work, Becker, and if you don't make the effort then somewhere along the line it's going to bite you in the arse." Jess had a flash of her parents fighting, of her father walking out the door and thought, _Shit. Jess Parker, you cannot be associating your parents with Becker and Lester. What is wrong with you?_

"Looking to make a career change? Couples therapist, perhaps?" Becker said dryly.

"Make all the jokes you want, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm right. Do you really want to go through this again? The next time might not be so easy to fix." _Why won't you take me seriously?_

It wasn't until she noticed the way Becker was staring at her that Jess realised how loud her voice had got, how worked up she was getting. She set her elbows on the table and leaned her forehead against her clasped hands for a moment while she breathed. "I'm sorry," she said. _I'm not really crazy; it's just that I seem to be projecting all of my issues onto you. And how messed up is that?_

And then Becker started speaking, slowly and thoughtfully and Jess couldn't believe that he was actually confiding in her. Somewhere in all that ranting she must have said something that actually worked. "I was confused, I guess. Confused about what I wanted. Things with James have been really intense lately, if that makes any sense? And I've never had that before, I've never been so serious about anyone in my life and I guess I was…"

"Scared?"

He started to pick at a scab on his hand, not looking at her. "Yeah. And Russ was so easy. I was enamoured with the idea that after all these years he still wanted me, this guy I'd been so impressed with when I was eighteen. I thought maybe… Russ was what I should have wanted."

"I don't think there are things you should or shouldn't want, Becker. There are only the things you want."

It was like the floodgates had opened and Becker kept talking, like he couldn't stop himself. Jess had the impression that this was the first time he had talked about any of this, to anyone. "I don't know, I just… To me, a relationship basically meant that I had sex with the same person more than once. And now I have this, and there are kids involved, and all these emotions, and it's _hard._ I'm total crap at it most of the time. Russ came and reminded me of who I used to be and James was acting fucking weird and… I let Russ push me too far and when James saw, I thought I'd fucked it up for good. I thought I'd thrown everything I had away because I was too fucking scared and James didn't even want to see me, he wouldn't let me explain, and I figured maybe I deserved that. But it still hurt, it hurt that he thought I would actually screw around on him and so I kind of didn't want to see him either." Becker raised his eyes to Jess, his lips quirking. "Damn, I can't believe I told you all that."

"Do you feel better now?"

"Surprisingly, yes, a little."

"Maybe you could tell Lester?" Jess tried to keep her expression and her voice light when all she wanted was to say, _Becker, you stupid sod, don't you know anything? Why would you keep all that to yourself so that it can fester?_

"What, all of that? So in case he wasn't aware of how completely ridiculous I am, he can know for sure? No, thanks."

"By this point I don't think he's under any illusions as to who you are."

"Maybe so, but there's no need to rub it in his face."

Jess dug her nails into her thigh below the lab table. She sort of wanted to smack Becker across the face. "You're a coward, Hilary Becker."

Becker had the audacity to laugh at her. "Why don't you tell me how you really feel?"

 _Oh, don't worry, I will._ "You're all action hero in the field, but when it comes to anything important, you're nothing but a coward. It got hard so you ran away and you just kept running. You made a mistake and did you even try to fix it?"

"Of course I did! I told you, James wouldn't listen to me--"

"He was angry! And I'll bet you never tried again." Becker's silence was all the confirmation Jess needed. "He was angry and hurt, but do you really think that that's what he wanted? To leave it like that, to never talk to you again? You should have kept trying until he listened to you. If you love someone, you have to _fight_ for them. And what you're doing now isn't any better. All you're doing is making excuses and hiding like a bloody coward, too afraid to admit what you actually feel to the person who needs to hear it the most."

"Jess," Becker said gently and a bit teasingly. "I know you're trying to help, but you're not going to change me or how I handle relationships. Believe me, I know that I made mistakes and I'm sorry about that. I understand exactly what you're trying to say, I do, and I'm sure you're right, but there are some things that I'm just not comfortable telling James."

Jess sighed and played with the ends of her hair. _So that's it?_

"I know you care but there are some things you can't fix. Okay? And James and I are going to be fine. You just have to let us deal with things in our own way, even if you don't like it."

Becker was looking at her like she was a damsel who needed shielding from the world, from the harsh realities of life, and even though she knew he was only trying to be kind, it made her _furious._ She didn't need to be patronised. She wasn't a little girl, damn it, and she didn't need to be treated like one, despite what Becker might think. "You think I'm a silly little girl, don't you? You think I'm poking my nose in where it doesn't belong and that I don't know what I'm talking about."

"No, I think--"

"I'm not! I might be younger than you and I might not have had the same sort of experiences that you have, but I'm not stupid. I know what happens to people when they don't talk to each other, when they don't listen, and I don't want that for you! Why won't you listen to me?"

Becker's eyes had widened as she ranted. "What is this really about?"

"Shit," Jess muttered, earning a raised eyebrow from Becker. "I've seen relationships fall apart, okay? I just don't want that to happen to you. Can't that be enough?"

"If that's all you want to tell me, then yes, I suppose so. But I hope you appreciate the irony of it, after what we've been talking about."

The tension seemed to slide out of her in a rush and Jess started to laugh from pure relief more than anything. This entire conversation had got away from her completely and she was a little surprised that Becker was still treating her the way he always did, fond and lightly teasing. _Like his little sister,_ she thought ruefully. "I have all this stuff going on in my head," she admitted, so embarrassed she could have died but needing to say it. "It's hard to sort out, you know? I didn't mean to get so crazy."

"It's okay," Becker said and he was smiling, not recoiling in disgust like Jess half-expected him to. "Things get complicated, as I know all too well."

"I just want you to be okay. That's basically all I wanted to say but it got a bit lost."

"I know. You're a good friend, Jess, have I told you that? I'm not very good at all this sharing stuff, but... I'm lucky to know someone who cares so much."

"Um, you're welcome," Jess said. She had no idea how Becker could have sat through this strange conversation and be grateful instead of running in the opposite direction because clearly Jess was mad. Becker was weird. Lester was welcome to him.

"I'll… I'll think about what you said, okay? I can't promise you anything, but I'll think about it. And, hey," Becker said tentatively. "Remember what I told you, okay? You can talk to me about anything. I mean it."

The funny thing was that Jess was sure Becker did actually mean that. She wished that he felt like he could talk to Lester about anything. "Thanks. I should probably go, though, I don't want to keep you here all night."

As she prepared to leave, Jess knew one thing for certain. She wasn't revealing any of this conversation to Abby or Emily or anyone else. She would never betray Becker's confidence like that. They could satisfy their curiosity on their own.

"Jess?" Becker said, drawing her focus again. "About those security cameras… Did you watch any of it? I imagine we must put on quite a show." And there was that familiar smirk that managed to say both, 'I love making you squirm,' and 'Yes, I know exactly how pretty I am.'

Although she could feel the heat suffusing her cheeks, Jess looked Becker straight in the eye and said, "I never would have guessed that Lester was that flexible."

As she walked away, Jess savoured Becker's stunned silence.

_**End** _   



End file.
